Raising Respectful Teenagers

I lived in Cynthiana, KY from 1991-1996. During that time, I visited Roger and Vicki Purcell many, many times. They have three kids (all grown up now!) - Jason, Keri, and Libby. I watched these three interact with their parents, be responsible with their things (most of the time), and function fairly well together.

The main thing that impressed me was not the interaction at home or with each other, but how respectful they treated me and other adults. Roger and Vicki set the bar for us to follow on teaching children how to treat other people, especially those in-charge or with authority over them.

I must say as a proud parent, for most of the time - Jon Mark, Emma, and Abby are respectful kids. Huge thanks to Roger and Vicki for modeling for me how to raise three kids to be respectful of others in a disrespectful world.

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Seven needs of teenagers which need to be fulfilled to become respectful adults.

1. A distinct identity and sense of uniqueness. Every teenager has a particular arena where they excel. Help your teen identify her area of competence.

2. A movement from their childhood dependency on their parents. Get your son or daughter involved with a "mentor." A mentor can be a powerful force in developing convictions of their own.

3. Meaningful relationships with peers and mentors outside the family. As they grow older, teenagers enjoy spending more time away from home. Their friends and peer group is vital to satisfy their need for companionship, fun, emotional support, and intimacy. The transition from home to peers will need to be positive.

4. The ability to relate well to the opposite sex. If you are considering allowing dating then develop a dating contract. Having a written contract helps take the pressure off guessing when a teen is ready to date. Dating readiness should be the result of a teenager displaying qualities like honor, integrity, responsibility and resistance to peer pressure. The dating contract can provide the family with accountability, mutual agreement, and security.

5. Prepare for a career, economic Independence, and other adult responsibilities. Not only is it important to encourage teenagers in the areas that they have interest, but it is also necessary to teach them real skills. The teaching of skills to adolescents often results in increased achievement and a boost to self-esteem. In other words, the more skills a teenager acquires (how to cook, change the oil, fix something broken, or build something), the better he will feel about himself.

6. A Biblical faith with a Christ-centered focus. First, in the home with prayer, Biblical teaching, and constant reminders of God's presence. Secondly, in the local church where the family regularly worship God, grow in their faith, and serve the body of Christ.

7. The assurance that they can talk to their parents about anything. When they come to us, we must be careful what we communicate. If we say, "Not now, I'm busy," they'll take note of our busyness and perhaps will hesitate next time in asking. A teenager needs to know that she's valuable and that her parents are available in times when she needs them the most.