Bad Grades

I recall getting my first "D" in the Ninth Grade. My parents were beside themselves. I believe I was more upset that I had disappointed them, more than myself. I was okay with mediocrity, or worse.

Later in college, I flunked a summer class...twice! Why? I don't know, other than I was bored and hated going to class in June. Hmmmmmmmm, can anyone say early signs of A.D.D.? That's classic behavior by someone as sick as me. If I do not like something or perhaps it's too hard mentally - I quit. I'm done when the brain goes overload or boooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggggggggggg.

Skip now to today. My ministry efforts in the last seven years were really hard with very few results. The job wasn't boring, it was overwhelming and too hard to accomplish. So, I quit. Now I live with shame over the fact that I was basically a CEO, with some strongly opinionated board members, of a company of 150 people - and it lost money (no lie - when I arrrived in 99 we had $100,000 in bank. When I left in 04, we had $20,000 in bank). I did not receive one raise in those five years.

I am running out of hope, stamina, and energy. I have lived with many "D"'s and unfortunately, so has my family. The A.D.D. monster keeps telling me to give up trying.

Something in me tells me to hang in there and remain close to God - for the day is not done, the sun has not set, and the stars will shine tonight.